ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
