He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
