and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
