the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Someone shattered a urinal.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i believe in u and ur pee
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