Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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