my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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