I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
