i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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