I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
