so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
