if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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