I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Randomize
