The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
