so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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