After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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