im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
