UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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