areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
