Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
