Your mouth is God's brothel.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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