I met the friendliest cop last night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
