She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
