she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
