im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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