so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize