I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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