i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
