this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
