I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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