Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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