when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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