Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
