i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize