I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
