forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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