i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
