You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
