i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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