I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
