We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
