i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
