Ambien. No doubt about it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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