just tell him i said nine months
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
