I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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