So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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