Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my shit smells like andre
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
