Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
