fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I need moral support for this bender
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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