we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
