You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
