is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
