Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
