I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
