Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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