sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
