What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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