is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
