she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
