haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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