I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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