i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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