please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
