The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
