this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
