At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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