Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
now i know why i became what i already was.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
