Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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