I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
