i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
