He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
