need another drink. this is the easiest way
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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