i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
