if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
