R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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