Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
