It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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