the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
