I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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