saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
