Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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