It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
