the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
