he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
