My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
