Apparently you make a good broom.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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