guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
