I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
