I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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