i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
birth control should be required to get into college
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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