Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
