I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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