Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
