it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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