At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
