It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
