On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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