whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
