Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
