i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
