Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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