you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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